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Poetry usually doesn’t do anything for me. I much prefer lyrics – the music adds more elements to it.
And frankly, some lyrics are just better than poetry.
I mean, Sunny Day Real Estate’s song ‘Grendel’. It’s essentially a couplet in the written form (there are only two lines in the booklet
) And it doesn’t rhyme, but it actually says so much.\"The rain was there to wash away my tears
I wanted to be them but instead I destroyed myself\"It’s really obvious… but says so much. It’s so powerful. And the song just adds to it too!
Better! I’m liking this version a lot better, although improvements can be made.
Excuse me whilst i rewrite the first two paragraphs.
To them it felt like the most fantastical dream. Two beautiful old women held hands and smiled at them from a field of emerald green grass, with two deep crimson suns setting behind them; the clouds shone pink and orange and the breeze lightly played around them, making the grass shimmer in the dwindling light. It felt as if they were floating. In their minds they heard a soft voice, two intertwined as one, whispering them to sleep.
âWelcome children, we are Rowen and Magnolia, The Eldur. We have brought you here to ask for your help: There are abilities that you possess that will help return our land to the peaceful place it once was. Now you donât have to us give us aid, but it would certainly appreciate.â
Slowly eyes closed, and one by one they were asleep.As the eight slept Connor and Owen walked around them, a soft white mist hun g in the air; it wove around the sleeping bodies, swirling and twisting. Pictures kept forming in the mist – the twins had never seen such magic. As the pictures danced, Connor and Owen kept pacing, making sure each sleeping body was not in danger. Connor bent his head over a boy with shaggy brown hair and lightly smiled.
âOwen, this one, he has the wild magic.â
âShould we tell Rowen and Magnolia?â
âThey know. He will help to heal the land. He has the most powerful wild magic I have ever felt – but why hasnât his hair turned?â
âMaybe it is because he is not from here.â
âMaybe…â Connor answered, but his mind had wandered to the girl in the party dress. She was so beautiful.Spot the differences!
Remember – a thesaurus is always good. Try not to repeat memorable words too often, and definitely do not describe the same action or whatever the same way. For example – \"They walked around… (insert some sentences) they walked around…\"
And vary your grammar! Utilizing : ; , . – etc. where appropriate and when correctly done can add a lot of impact!
Sorry
I just find RS works universally i.e it works for everyone. It isn’t my preferred one, but ah well.
http://rapidshare.com/files/111587739/S … y.mp3.html
Note – i never said scary. It’s just… strange. Possibly scary.
What’s the point of censoring?
Their most essential album has a song called Silverfuck for christ’s sake.
Don’t say i didn’t warn you!
By the way, my connection seems to be really crap. It’s going to take forever.
Also, it’s a really long song. Persevere!
If you want a new experience, listen to the band Sunn O)))
In the dark
Alone
With headphones
It’s dark ambient drone. After a while, your mind is just not there anymore
The story sounds interesting so far. Obviously, it still has time to develop and i have no idea what you’re planning but please, don’t be generic. Don’t do the same \"Band of people become friends and save the world etc.\" story… or at least make it unique enough to stand out.
I hate cliched stories with a passion. So don’t fall into that trap!
BREAK NOT BRAKE!
Anyway, i thought it was only alright to be honest. It didn’t really grip me and for a magical fantasy, it felt a bit mundane.
Firstly: You need to vary your sentence structure more. It felt a little monotonous and boring.
Secondly: You need more description, make it vivid too! For instance, when they appeared as a group in the field (or whatever), you didn’t describe much. You had a fantastic opportunity to make this place seem truly astounding through description, but you just didn’t. Same applies to things like speech, character etc. (Metaphors go a long way, by the way. Just make them original
)I can see what you mean, but i still like that video.
Besides, the short film had a different ending, so some thought had to go into it.
for everybody with 25 posts or more here on the boards.[/quote:xbrt3e97]
What about the people who have that post count but haven’t reared their heads in months? Namely, BleedingTheOrchid?
I like Machina. Not as much as the other records, but it’s not bad. It strikes me as… arcane in a sci-fi way. I don’t know what it is, it just makes me see that. Probably the artwork.
Whoa… the sun is setting outside, and there are some thick clouds hanging over my general area. And what’s the point of this? The clouds are inadvertently reflecting the setting sunlight onto the back of the houses opposite, creating the effect of the walls being lit up despite not facing the sun.
How cool is that!
